halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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