I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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