the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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