my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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