Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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