We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
