a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
where are you?
Hypothermia
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
