Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
