i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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