Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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