on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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