We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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