Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
