I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
