do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
