I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
