I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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