My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
