I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
