in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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