I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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