I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
