We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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