Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
