you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
