I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
