did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
