when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
