I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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