nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
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Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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