i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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