DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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