I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
