someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
