she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
