I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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