I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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