Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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