He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
