Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
its liver damage thursday
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
