It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
