I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
