I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
