Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
