Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
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I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
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I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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