I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
