Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
