so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
