My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
