I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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