i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
A bitchslap is in order.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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