Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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