i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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