Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
