Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
