She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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