watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
