People in love make me want to vomit
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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