I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
