could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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