You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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