he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize