You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
