I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
