Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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